Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
