I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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