why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
