just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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