You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
