He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
