Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
