The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize