Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
