How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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