I have demons in me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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