i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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