i wish my penis had a tongue
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
