he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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