who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
