So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
