3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
