I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
