Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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