doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
