I heard we made out
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
