did you get engaged???
you win again, gameday.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
