At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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