just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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