'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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