I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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