I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
