and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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