i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was confusing and full of hummus
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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