moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
