if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
