im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
