Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
