My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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