You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
