Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
