I didn't shave. On purpose
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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