my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
