i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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