Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
