Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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