No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
