Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
