First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
