You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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