god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize