why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
