when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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