Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize