I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
