the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
