Jerry, you need to find god
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
