Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
