Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
