Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
