Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
