I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You pole danced in your parka.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
