I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
