I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
