he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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