I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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