ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
