It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
