he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
