Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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