Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
