But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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