I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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