Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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