Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
