First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
