So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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