But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
