you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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