clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
