Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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