It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
