I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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