Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i think i have herpe
just one?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
