I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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