The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize