Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
