they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
