im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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