i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
