The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize