you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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