come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Semen is not good for contacts.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
