i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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