i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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