The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize