Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize