don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
