It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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