you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
