i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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