wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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